Desperate Housewives
Season 3, Episode 5
Air date October 22, 2006
Written by Alexandra Cunningham
Susan Nirah Jaffee
Directed by David Warren
Episode Guide
"Like It Was"
"Sweetheart, I Have to Confess"

Guest StarringEdit


Bree walks into the motel on a reception and asks for a gentleman named Falati. Gus says that he came in about an hour ago and he asks her if she wants him to call him. Bree wants Gus to take her to his room and unlock it so she can walk on in unannounced. Gus tells her that he can’t do that and he is with the girl in the room and Bree tells him that the girl is her daughter. Gus takes her to the room and asks her if she has a gun because he just put the new carpet on the floor and Bree tells him that she will just tell Falati what he faces if he continues this relationship. She walks in: there is shouting and she walks out. Gus asks her how it went and Bree tells him that it went well and the carpets are beautiful.

It is dinner time and that time meant something back when the meals where prepared by the housewives who knew how to cook and for the children who knew how to behave.

There is only one housewife in the neighborhood who still prepared the loving dinner. Hodges and Van De Kamp’s are having a dinner and everyone is present including the bitter Danielle. They are making fun of her relationship and she tells them that he is getting a divorce and she is not eating anything. They continue to make fun of her and she throws the plate away and breaks it. They again continue to make fun of her and Danielle goes to her room.

Lynette came home early and Tom made her a pizza. He tells her that he made up his mind and he knows what his dream is. He is gonna open a pizza parlor. Lynette is not pleased and she opens a new bottle of wine to celebrate.

Gabrielle came home early and her room is fool of candles and romantic music is on but she tells Carlos that he will not seduce her and tells him to move on and then she goes to bathroom and she is in shock. Carlos has a date and the girl, Trishel, and she is already naked in a hot tub.

Susan is determined to bring back Mike’s memory and so she plays him the music. She dances like they danced back then in a bar but he can’t remember and he is still so cold to her.

Detectives found out something on a dead woman’s body. It looks like she has a number on her palm.

Bree is having a desert with Orson and Andrew but Danielle breaks something in the room and Bree tells Andrew to go to see what it is. Danielle tried to commit suicide by drinking some pills and cutting a little bit of her vein. Andrew tells that to Bree and she and Orson rushes up. Andrew tells them not to hurry because she is not trying that hard.

They are at the hospital. Andrew is not upset because she tried to cut her wrist with a spoon. Bree and Orson are out of their minds. Doctor comes in and tells them that everything is gonna be all right but she is still groggy. Bree tells doctor to pump her (stick a tub in her throat to get all the medicine she had swallowed). Andrew tells Bree and Orson that she just wanted some attention and Bree thinks that this was a cry for help. Bree thinks that the next time she will do something more serious. Andrew continues to make fun of Danielle until Orson bursts and starts to scream that suicide is the worst thing that could happened to the family and he will not tolerate it. Bree thinks that they should ALL go to counseling.

Lynette is discussing with Gabrielle, Susan and McClusky about Tom and his pizza dream. She promised that she will support him but pizza is just bad idea. Susan also thinks like Lynette but Gabrielle tells her that she promised and she has to stand by him all the way and Lynette asks her how is that divorce going. McClusky tells them that her husband started to paint one day, she told him that he couldn’t even paint garage how could he possibly paint art, and for the rest of his life he despised her…or maybe it was because she was sleeping with his brother.

Nora comes out of the house and asks Lynette for the minute. She heard about that pizza place and tells to Lynette that it is the idea sucks.

Austin comes to Julie who is with a friend and brings her flowers … with roots. He asks Julie for help about his project in school. If he messes this one up Edie will kick him out of the house. Julie agrees … but he will have to pay 15 $ an hour for tutoring. He tells her that he charges 15 $ for make out so they will probably break even. Her friend Sara is totally turned on by Austin.

Susan comes to the hospital just to find out that there is a new nurse. She brought macaroni and cheese to trigger Mike’s memory. She sees Edie and the nurse tells her that Edie was with Mike when he woke up and that she was visiting every day. Susan rushes towards Edie and accuses her of lying to Mike about the past. Nurse comes and asks if there is a problem. Susan wants Edie to be banned from hospital but nurse tells her that Edie is Mike’s girlfriend and they ban Susan.

Hodges and Bree Van De Kamps are at the counseling. Danielle tells Bree that she called her a retard but Bree tells the therapist that she had never in her life used that word. Therapist thinks that Danielle thinks that Bree cares more about her image then about her feelings. Bree tells her that when she saw her in the tub it was the worst moment of her life. Danielle now feels powerful and blackmails Bree. If she tries to stop the relationship she will leave the house. Bree asks the therapist how much they have to pay for this good progress.

Austin is with Julie who helps him to write his paper. He can’t concentrate and he starts drinking beer. Julie tells him that her mom would freak out and tells him to leave. He begs her to write an essay. She will only write an intro and then he is on his own. She asks him how he finished in the juvenile anyway. He tells her that his mom had a boyfriend who had no job and who was drunk. He was only protecting her and his mom called cops on Austin and her boyfriend would leave if she didn’t press charges. Julie tells him that she will write everything and he lays on the bad to get some rest.

Carlos comes home and Gabrielle is putting a make up. He says that he was just trying to make her jealous but Gabrielle tells him that he hates her. A man walks out of the kitchen with two glasses.

His name is Phil Lopez and she wants him to meat hers almost ex husband Carlos. Carlos tells her that they met at the annual dinner. Phil was a business man of the year more then Carlos was and Gabrielle says that she remembers now and Carlos said: “He may have that trophy but I’ve got you.” They go into the hot tub.

Lynette talks to Tom about his pizza thing. She gives him some advices like catering company but he is not happy about that. She is just worried because 90% of restaurants close during the first year. Tom is positive and won’t change his mind.

Gabrielle and Phil got out of the hot tub. Carlos went to his room and Gabrielle goes into her. She moves the bed near the wall and she starts jumping on the bed and making sounds like she has a wild sex. Phil wants to have sex but Gabrielle tells him that he is a good guy but she is not into him. He realizes that she used him and goes away.

Carlos is sitting outside the house and Phil tells him that she is totally crazy. Her car is blocking his car. And Carlos goes to take the keys to move it. When he enters the house Gaby is still jumping on the bed. Carlos goes into room and tells her that she is blocking Phil’s car.

She moved it and Carlos is making fun of her. Gabrielle just wants to hurt Carlos so he will see that there is nothing gonna happen between them anymore. He tells her that she still cares about him because she couldn’t pull the trigger (she couldn’t sleep with Phil). She tells Carlos to bring her breakfast in the bed because she is tired.

Julie sees Sara’s car and she walks to see what is she doing and she is having sex in the car with Austen. Julie is mad because Sara didn’t go to the movies because of this. She goes back into the house and Susan tells her that she found a way how to get through to Mike. Julie tells her that he is not into her anymore and goes to her room.

Carlos brings breakfast to Gaby but she is in the bed with another men. She met him in a bar. She asks Carlos did she hurt him or should she keep on trying.

Edie is with Mike in the hospital and nurse tells her that there is phone call for her. She goes to see who it is but Susan actually called her and when Edie left to pick up the phone Susan to Mike who was in the wheelchair and took him to park lot. There is van and she will take him to Wisteria Lane to refresh his memory.

Bree comes to apartment where Falati is. She tells him that she is completely positive about their relationship and Danielle told her that he loves her. He says that that is true and Bree brings Danielle’s stuff into his apartment. He tells Bree that this isn’t working out and Bree tells him to say that to Danielle but not to mention Bree.

Susan is taking Mike through Wisteria Lane. She shows him the bushes where he found her naked. Mike can’t remember anything and Susan tells him to look into the heart because she is in there. She takes him to Mary Alice’s house and trips and Mike smiles. He knows that she does that a lot. He asks her about the Ian and Susan tells him that they are just friends.

Hospital car came and Mike wants to be taken back to the hospital. Edie tells Susan that it is over and that it was always to meant to end this way.

Police found out about the number written on the dead woman’s palm. They call the number and it is Mike Delfino’s phone.

Austin is angry about D- he got on the paper, because that is not the one they did together. He thinks that she is pissed at him because he made out with her friend but actually she is pissed because he told her some sad stories so she could write the paper…and he needs to pay 15$, Austin does say that he learn't one thing: that Orthello's motive was jealousy and he winks at Julie before leaving.

Danielle comes home and tells them that Falati broke up with her. He told her that she was messing up his divorce. She went to the principal and got him fired and then when he called her and started to yell she recorded the call and sent it to his wife. He won’t be getting anything from the divorce.

Tom brought Kayla home and Nora tells him that she found out that he is opening a pizza place. She tells him that that is a great idea and he will make it 100%.

Mary Alice says: “Sabotage, everyone is capable of it.

Danielle is vengeful and she is pleased in her bed.

Edie hungers for love and she kisses Mike goodnight.

Gabrielle is determined to burn bridges and she is again in bed with another guy.

And Nora wants something that belongs to Lynette. Kayla asks her when is daddy gonna live whit them and Nora simply tells her that she is working on that.

Quotes Edit

Mary Alice: "The art of sabotage. It's practiced every day in the suburbs. Sometimes it takes the form of a Bundt cake offered to a friend who's on a diet. Other times, it's a cable cut just as a husband's friends arrive to watch the big game. And there's always that anonymous phone call to the city zoning department. Yes, in Suburbia, everyone you meet is a potential saboteur. Absolutely everyone. Yes, the art of sabotage. It's practiced every day in the suburbs But few do it as well as Bree Hodge or as politely."

Bree: "Danielle, you haven't touched your dinner."
Andrew: "She doesn't like spring lamb. She prefers old goat."

Danielle: "When are you gonna take me seriously?"
Bree: "When you start acting like an adult."
Andrew: "Well, she sleeps with them. That's a start."

Andrew: "Uh, Mom?"
Bree: "Andrew, please don't interrupt me while I'm speaking. True, I never bought her eldest daughter a gift, but you know my policy: no husband, no baby gift. Now what is it, dear?"
Andrew: "Well, um, Danielle's upstairs trying to commit suicide. There's no rush. She's not trying that hard."

Doctor: "She's a little groggy, but she'll be fine. The wounds are fairly superficial."
Andrew: "So's the patient."

Doctor: "She is resisting our efforts to pump her stomach. She says she only took three sedatives."
Andrew: "She's disoriented. Pump her."
Bree: "Andrew! Pump her."

Gabrielle: "She promised to stand by him, and once you make that commitment you have to see it through."
Lynette: "Yeah. How's that divorce going?"
Gabrielle: "I'm done talking."

Karen: "Men are genetically incapable of realizing that their dreams are stupid."
Lynette: "Care to elaborate, Dr. McCluskey?"
Karen: "My husband sold insurance for thirty-six years, and one day, he woke up and decided he wanted to move to Paris and paint naked ladies. I told him, "Gilbert, you can barely paint the garage. What makes you think you can commit art?" And for the rest of his life, he despised me."
Lynette: "He despised you for saying no?"
Karen: "Well, he also thought I was sleeping with his brother, and I'm sure that was mixed in there, too."

Julie: "Normally, I charge twelve bucks an hour for tutoring, but seeing as it's you, fifteen."
Austin: "Great. See you Friday. Oh, and just so you know, I charge fifteen an hour to make out, so I'll probably break even."

Nurse: "You need to leave."
Susan: "What?"
Nurse: "You're disturbing the other patients."
Susan: "No, what are you...oh, this is ridiculous! I mean, who am I disturbing? It's a coma ward! Don't you want them to wake up?!"

Susan: "No, no, no, no! No, no, this, this is not how this ends. No, evil does not triumph over good."
Edie: "That's how you see me?"
Susan: "Damn straight! You lie, you cheat, you scheme! You ruin peoples' relationships! I mean, how do you sleep at night?"
Edie: "Soon, with Mike on top of me, if you know what I mean."
Susan: "See? Evil! Evil!"
Edie: "Has it ever occurred to you that maybe Mike and I are meant to end up together?"
Susan: "No! You, Mike? You don't even want him! You're just doing this to hurt me."
Edie: "Wow. How self-absorbed can you be? I have had a thing for Mike since the day he moved in here, and I even backed off when he fell for your little Miss Adorable act. But he's over that. It's my turn now, and I will be better for him than you ever were. And if you do get hurt, well, that's just gravy. All right, maybe that was a little evil."

Mary Alice: "Sabotage. Everyone is capable of it, but some go about it more ruthlessly than others. Like the ones who crave vengeance or the ones who hunger for love or the ones who are determined to burn bridges. And then there are those who simply want something. Something that belongs to someone else."